If you have children, then you are likely already skilled at picking your battles. However, even the most honed skills can go out the window when you are choosing what to fight for and what to let go of when you are going through a divorce.
Divorce can be chaotic and emotional, and it can be difficult to be mindful about your end goals. There are many people who go through a divorce without a strategic plan, letting the arguments sweep them along like a leaf in a stream. Getting wrapped up in the minutiae of who did what or who owes what to whom is often a self-defeating proposition. Instead, you should take the time to dig deep, decide what is important to you over the long term, and be honest with yourself about the motivations behind the battles you are choosing to fight.
When choosing where to draw a line in the sand, ask yourself the following questions:
Is this something I can’t live without and that will secure the security and well-being of me and my children?
There will be some things you will feel are non-negotiable — maybe it’s alimony and, if you have children, certainly child support will be a part of your final settlement. But you should not consider everything that you want to be a matter of your survival. Advocate for the things that will help you rebuild your life and provide you with the financial security you need and try to keep an open mind about the rest.
Am I fighting for something because I think I deserve it?
There are people who will fight tooth-and-nail for things they think they deserve or have a sentimental attachment. This behavior usually winds up costing both spouses more in legal fees and time spent arguing over material things that may not even have that much value. They just want to be “right.” Realize that this usually has nothing to do with the items, and more to do with your emotional state as you navigate the divorce process. It is important for you to understand the difference between “nice to have” and “have to have” since this will determine what you are willing to spend in time and money to negotiate.
Am I fighting because I am hurt and angry?
It is all too common for spouses to want to punish each other during a divorce, and this typically manifests in unreasonable demands. Divorce is not about punishment; the courts certainly don’t view it that way, so you are likely to fail in your attempt to “get back” at your spouse with a scorched earth strategy. If you find yourself falling into this trap, take a step back and reconsider a more rational approach so the divorce can go smoother and you can start to heal.
Protecting your interests and achieving results which supports your needs is what you can expect from Cistaro Law. Contact us today for your free consultation.
